My Immortal Commandments
by lilypotters
Summary: Some commandments for the fanfiction My Immortal, which I'm sure you all know. If you don't... LOOK IT UP NOW! Prepare for your brain to be fried. Enjoy!
1. Commandments 1 to 40

**Guys, if you haven't read the notorious fanfic My Immortal... DO IT NOW! :D**

**Just a random brainstorm, this is part 1, hope you enjoy.**

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><p>Thou shall be goffik.<p>

Thou shall not flam.

Thou shall put thy middle finger up at prepz.

Thou shall drink blood with Count Chocula cereal for breakfast.

Thy characters' names shall never be spelled correctly.

Every male character shall fall in love with Enoby.

Thou shall insult that fuking prep Britney every time she appears in the story.

Thou shall destroy every single bit of Harry Potter canon.

All thy characters shall convert to Satanism and move to Slytherin.

Thou shall include at least fifty badly written sex scenes.

Thou shall pretend that Ravenclaw house does not exist.

Thou shall buy all thy clothes at Hot Topic.

Thou shall feel faint if thou does not drinketh enough blood.

Thou must sleep in a coffin.

Thou must begin every chapter saying Fangz 2 raven for hlepin.

Thou must fucking hate Hilary Duff's ugly blonde face.

Thou must cry "OMFG NOOO!" whenever thy scar hurts.

Thou must excuse Dumblydum from crude language whenever he hath a hedache.

Thou must not call Ebony "mary su" because her name is ENOBY.

Thou must cry tearz of blood down thy pallid face.

Thou must overuse ellipses in attempt to create ridiculous suspense.

Thou must use thy VIOWER EXCRETION before reading a chapter that is XTREMLY SCRAY.

When shaking thy head, one must do it energetically lethrgically.

Thou must do everything sexily.

Thou must gasp.

Thou must call thy enemies "moronic idiots", "horny simpletons", and "ridiculous dimwits".

Before one "does it" with another guy, one must ask to borrow condemns from Egogy.

If thou art a fucking perv, thou must go to St. Mango's

Thou must kill Vampire, or else Vloxemort shall kill thou and Draco!

Thou shall only use Muggle weapons such as guns and knives. Otherwise, thou must use thy womb or thy wound to perform a spell.

Thou must wear slutty clothes while insisting that thou art not a slut.

Thou must find thyself before looking into the flames (geddit? da reviower flams!).

Thou must suffer endlessly through terrible gpffik punz.

Thou must agree that sensitiv bi guys r so hawt.

Dumbledore shall constipate any cideo cameras that are taken of TaEbory naked.

During Hair of Magical Magic Creatures, thou must suck blood from Hufflepuffs.

Thou shall blame Vampire for rape even if you had an equal part in jumping on him and screwing him.

If thou hath a scar, Diabolo shall change it into a pentagram.

Thou shall mix up Mr. Norris and Filth.

Thou must compliment Ebony for being so hot and sexy and beautiful every minute of your life.

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><p><strong>I believe that's 40! I'll post more when I think of them.<strong>

**Juuust click that review button and tell me what you think! Also, if you have any suggestions for new commandments, I would be happy to take them!**

**And just in case there are any religious people out there who somehow find this offensive: I don't mean it to be offensive, I'm a practicing Christian... :)**


	2. Commandments 41 to 69

**Hey guys! I want to thank you all so much for the reviews, you made my day :)**

**So I've made the next 29 commandments... enjoy! Sorry it took so long, my computer crashed and it took forever to fix!**

**I really couldn't make any more than 29, due to extensive brain damage. My apologies.**

**I got some suggestions from reviewers and I included their username in bold beside the Commandment :D Thanks for the suggestions, I loved them.**

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><p>Thou shall worship the ground that Ebony walketh on.<p>

Thou shall develop an addiction to Volremortserum.

Thou shall drink vampire blod 2 cure thy addiction to Volremortserum.

Thou shall fuk off if thou art a homophone.

Thou shall describe thy characters as mirror images of thy favourite sexah celebrities.

Thou shall email Tara if you want to see da pik of whatever she is describing.

Thou shall have a group kutting session wif profesor Trevolry.

Thou shall sing song lyrikz lik "I wok dis empt stret on da bolevrad of broken dremz" in da band u joined wif Serious, Snap, and Lucis called XBlakXTearX.

Thou shall invite Enony to a consert, which Vloxemort and da Death Deelers will invade every single time, leading to the postphonement of the concert. (This will happen many, many times in a row; a vicious cycle.)

Tom Bombodil shall be able to predict the futur.

Thou must wear so much blak eyeliner that one can be going down your face and thou art wearing black lipstik.

Thou shall use the number 1 instead of exclamation markz.

Thou shall watch the movie Hoes of Wax.

Thou shall use adverbs such as suicidally, statistically, gothically, and sexily even when they do not apply at all to the verb they are modifying.

Thou shall somehow find a way to incorporate the number 666 into thy story at every possible opportunity.

When someone asks you whut a 4 lettr wurd 4 dirt is, thou shall reply "Um I guezz sand?" in a confusedly way (geddit? Way lik Gerard!).

Thou shall confuse Crab and Goyle with Fred and George.

Thou shall make so many spelling mistakes that when thou pasteth thy story in a Microsoft document, it sayeth that there are too many mistakes to correct.

Thou shall drop the f-bomb every other word.

Thou shall call thy readers "sick pervz" and "sicko"s when THOU art the one who cometh up with sexual innuendos.

Dumblydor shall retry or the Bark Lord will kill the students.

Thou shall desire to shit next to Ebory.

Thou shall learn how to spek Japonese.

Thou shall not accuse Tara of writing "toot of crakter".

Thou shall use skull shaped fireworkz frum Wesley's Whizard Wises.

Thou shall use a Time Toner to go bak in tim.

Thou shall overuse apostro'phes. (**jessigaga137**)

Thou shall change thy name to a goffik nickname. (**jessigaga137**)

To kill a vampire, thou shall use a steak. (**jessigaga137**)

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><p><strong>That's all for now, folks!<strong>

**Keep reviewing, I'd love to take any ideas! :D**


	3. Commandments 70 to 95

**Oh my God. I can't believe I basically forgot about this story. I just got a few reviews and I realized that I haven't updated for about two months :S I'M SORRY GUYS! if u dnt forgiv me den ur all prepzzzz**

**Anyways… got some more suggestions, thanks guys! :D I put the usernames in bold beside the ones that were suggested!**

**So here we go. Commandments 70-95!**

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><p>Thou shall write furious author's notes at the beginning of each chapta which criticize the reviowers for flassing.<p>

Thy characters shall make out keenly against trees and consequently end up in situations in which they lose thy virility.

Thy chapterz must deel wif rlly srus issus!11!

Thou has to tell ebony why your being all erective.

Thou must confuse Voldremot and Darth Valer.

If thou art getting visions, thou might be getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!

Thou shall make da prepz do exorcizes (GEDDIT) wen da rest of da class is fucking dismissed.

Thou must refer to thy friends as bich and cunt.

Thou must not flame Tara, or else da nredz will put vrtuz in ur computer!111

Thou must spork heroin cabarets.

Thou must get sum fucking ppl out there to look for Series and Lucian – pornto!

Vampir shall film u when ur having sexxxxx.

Thou must CUM NOW! guiltily when Preacher McGongel tells u 2.

Thou shall have a Dork Mark on your you-know-wut.

Thou must stap Vrompire, otherwise Snoop will rap Draco!1

Thou shall not rite da next chapta til u get TIN god reviuws!1!

Snoop/Snep/Snap and Serverus shall be two completely different characters.

Thou must give thy friends deth's touch sin b4 dey go bak in tim.

Thou must use every possible short form.

Dumbeldore shall cry wisely (c is da toot of crakter?) when Darco commitz suicide because he wwuz relly upset.

THOU MUST SMELL HAPPili.

Thou must wear panamas and a tshit.

Thou shall never bother Dumblydorr if he hath a hedache. (**jessigaga137**)

Thou shall change thy middle names when thy friend steals thy sweater. (**FamiliarTasteOfPoison**)

Voldemort must speak in olde Englishe. (**FamiliarTasteOfPoison**)

Thou shall masticate to videos of Enoby. (**Emullz**)

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><p><strong>That's all for now, folks! :D Hope you liked it!<strong>

**Now for the usual... please keep pressing that review button ;) aaand I will always take suggestions! I am definitely running out of ideas. There's only so much crap you can get out of a piece of work like My Immortal.**

**AlwaysLily out, prepz.**


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